17121989

i woke today and look at my phone at today's date. ohhhh yaa. then i felt unhappy. why? actually it doesn't link to me at all. i guess?? why? im asking to myself. why i need to felt unhappy? hmm. i was the second out of my 8 siblings. whoaaa! heee. I have one kakak. and when you have kakak, you want abang right? ok i suppose not to write this on my blog. if my mommy and ayah read this. im dead! HAHA. ok masa i kecik2 i nk abang coz i tgk cousin2 i ada abang. i mintak kat mommy i, i nak abang. how come you nak abang if you adalah kakak? i pun xfaham dengan i. i saw all my abang sepupu sangat fun, baik and best! so i nak abang! pernah mommy cakap 'abg sepupu kan ada' i refuse, she ever said jugak 'tunggu kakak kawin' eh? me n kakak jarak just setahun. how? HAHAHA. i pernah suruh mommy ambik abang angkat, sukahati aku je kan? lempang aku lah. hee when i request2 tapi tak fikir pun kat parents kita. hmm sebenarnya mommy sedih agaknya dengar apa aku mintak ni tak masuk akal. i suppose have an abang. but i never knew him, i never saw him, and he does not exist anymore! why? because Allah loves him better. :) that the answer i can give. hmm what is your feeling when you carry the baby all time 9months and feel his heartbeat together with yours? i might don't have the experiences. but you can imagine and feel it right? and the day you should labour it, he gone forever! you cant feel the heartbeat anymore. you cant hear his tears, you cant feed him, you cant raise him. that is all my mommy's through it 23years ago. his first child! but Allah maha kaya. hilang seorang, my parents got 8! wow! alhamdulillahhhh :) okay what happen actually to my older brother? dia lemas dalam tu sebab tali pusat terbelit kat leher and i guess dah terlambat right? when my mommy cakap still xsakit and kandungan is overdue to 9month 20days. hah?? terlebih 10hari? haha. cool huh? tapi heartbeat dia dah xada after a few hours in labour room i guess. hmm me too terlebih 10 hari. hahaha. but luckily im alive :) sbb doktor pantas laa kan? huahua. ok mengarut. sometimes me n mommy borak2 n ada ckp 'kalau' abg ada lg he would look like this this this this and his face like this this this. and he will be like this this this. HAHAHA and suddenly mommy is crying. i'm sorry mom :( then she ever said that she redha and just membayangkan je. mom i know you were strong enough :) i love you mommy. you know what? setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. abang gone and he will help and take care mommy and ayah later. Amiinnn.. so if you read my entry please sedekahkan Al-fatihah to my late brother: Mohammad Naquib :) thank you