#25

You'll see me in hindsight
Tangled up with you all night
Burning it down
Someday when you leave me
I bet these memories
Follow you around




t.s

Au revoir

            You were my first love,

            You were my only one.

            I can't believe your lies

I'm done.

I usually give people more chances than they deserve, 

but once I'm done. 

I'm done!

R E G R E T

"YOU GONNA REGRET ALL YOUR LIFE AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME"

me?

PERFECTIONIST

FUSSY

PUSHY

she

She's tough, but she tries to hide it. She's difficult.

But if you make an effort, she's worth it. She's worth the effort.

So long and goodbye!

Received a souvenirs from you and it's praying veil! So beautiful and it's really touched my heart because you keep me to not forget Him whenever I go. Thought of the last moment we met, I asked you to lead the prayers and you did it well. That's really make me believed and convinced that I found the right guy. But Allah knows His plans very well. I'm not the right person for you. Forgive me because I couldn't stay any longer and I have to leave. I hope you happy with your new life that you chose. I promise to keep our promises. So do you, okay ☺


**kisah kita berakhir di Januari**

Strong or Stupid?

"But you know what, you're awesome.
Awesome in everything.
I think I'm pressure you much.
Surprisingly, you're strong,
Mental and physical.
That's why I love you so much"


-Surprisingly, she still survived?
She is so stupid, doesn't she know everything is a lie?
Keep be my puppet, bimbo girl.

#16

"No point in continually fighting for someone's attention when it's not returned" (AqilahHairudin,2015)

365/365

It's really taught me a lot.
The toughest and the strongest,
Hurt and pain,
Trust and loyalty,
Chances and fate,
You and her,
Me and him.

Thank you 2014!
Hello 2015!

I'm not the only one

You've been so unavailable,

Now sadly I know why,

Your heart is unobtainable,

even though Lord knows you kept mine.

H & H

For months on end I've had my doubts

Denying every tear

I wish this would be over now,

but I know that I still need you here.

Why?

"Dress up like a sport person.
Mungkin kalau kita keluar dating. Bukan dalam shoping mall.
Kita bersukan or exercise
No make up. No high heels
Tido dalam khemah hutan
Would you?"  demand letter


-Alright, already asking him out to go for camping this CNY. Sleep in the tent in the forest like what he wants this before. But the answer? No? Busy? But you asking me to do all these thing. But when I do it, you refuse to join. Too much excuses. And what is actually you want? Am I stupid? I don't have feeling? Hmm something is wrong somewhere. Too much you keep denying it. Why treating me this way?
Why?
Why?
Why?

Movember

"We want to be a better than this before"

Sorry for putting you in this trouble.
Sorry for making all hassles.
This sorry doesn't mean anything, anymore.
Everything seems awkward either to me or you.
Don't talk, never talk about it anymore.
Found there's a boundaries between us.
But we both never try to figure it out or trying to fix it.
Too much questions, but there's no answer.
Speechless and numb.
Hoping for a better change.
If only possible.
Right on track.
Time to move.


Movember on November

do you?

Do you?

Do you really need me?

Do you love me like I love you babe?

Do you still want me like the first time you fighting for me?

Do you think we can be together?

Do you still serious to be serious?

Do you think this relationship going to work?

Do you still have that feeling? Because I can feel that you are not into this anymore.

Do you?

forget

"Forget me and forget everything about me"

demand letter

Demand letter:
Dress up like a sport person.
Mungkin kalau kita keluar dating. Bukan dalam shoping mall.
Kita bersukan or exercise
No make up. No high heels
Tido dalam khemah hutan
Would you?


Answer:
I don't dress to impress you.
If you don't like and accept me like what I am.
I've got nothing to do with that.
We can do everything together, but I won't follow what you're expecting.
Because, you wouldn't follow what I'm expecting from you. Isn't?
If you really want a sport person, then find an athlete.
You already found one.

historic eyes of wewe

A few moments ago, all of us. Both of my parents, my siblings had our talks. We sat in a circle on dining table talked about our childhood history. It's started all because of me for being sooo soooo soooooo ignorant. This time around my eyes were in reddish but I didn't felt itchy neither swollen. It might happen this morning perhaps? Because of what? I wore contact lens. A few months ago since I knew that I'm short sightedness (macam sakit barah je) I don't want to use glasses. I just use contact lenses until I felt takkan malam2 nak drive g mcd pun nk pakai lens? So I decided to buy a glasses with my current power (wuuuuu). But yet I don't know how to pick the right glasses design due to I never worn a glasses! I guess it's too big and it's not suit with my face. Hmm. So, I still use lenses until I bought a lenses together with my cousin. It didn't match my eyes. I don't know what is happening. I never face that problem. Usually okay. All of sudden one of the lens really irritated my eyes and it makes my eyes reddish and tears flowed andddd I cannot help it to stop it! So I decided not to use frequently.  Only that lens laa. Nak dijadikan cerita, all my lenses dh expired. So have to use the one yg problemo tuu. And yes its comes from that lens! Because of that lens, few weeks after not using it, bought a new one that highly recommend by optometrist. But it goes same. Maybe my eyes cannot coop with another existence of lens kot (dramatic nya) so early july before my birthday,  I cannot open my eyes and its really painful. See through the mirror,  omg! Reddish,  swollen eyes lagi I cannot explain. Veryyy ermm. So, since this tragedy ingatkan tahu menyesal ke apa. About a month I didn't wear any lens or didn't put glasses pun. So itried to use lens masa raya ni. But it happen again. So I showed my parents my eyes condition.  So they were worried and told that my eyes cannot accept those thing anymore due to my history. Haa what history?

Back in end of 1993 or early 1994, Wewe was 1 year and half that time. Ayah was outstation, so everytime ayah outstation, we will stay at rumah nenek (Mommy's mother) so easier for mommy to go to work (that time she was in epf pj branch) in short, wewe is soooooooo hyperactive girl. Siang time while mommy at work, little wewe entered pak njang's room and applied something on her face, on her hair, on her eyes. Suddenly she scream to nenek, "pedihh, sakit tak nampak" (something mcm tu kot since 1 year n half kan) nenek was so panicked look at her cucu mata macam orang high je. Haha so she wash wewe's eyes and afraid will have infection or what kan. Mandikan si budak wewe ni. After that, tak ok jugak nenek asked pak njang and usu to send me to the clinic. Right after mommy went home after working. Nenek told to mommy what did wewe do. Hailaaa, sudahlah husband outstation,  have to go to work by her own. Anak2 plak buat hal. Tirednya and sedihh with the news tu. I knew she was strong. Pak ngah went to nenek's crib and saw wewe's condition.  He was shocked and asked mommy to bring wewe to hospital. Look at wewe she cannot see, all she can do is cried for help and bear the pain. So, wewe was a pirate! But with both eyes closed. So doctor advised to come the next day for another treatment. So pak ngah sent wewe for check up for the next day. Everyone is helping her out. I hope wewe don't simply forget what and who are the people that really love and took care of her when she's in trouble. Pak ngah sent to eyes specialist also for wewe's treatment. Until the day ayah went home from outstation and saw his girl being a pirate make his heart goes like... (ish anak aku ni menyusahkan orang je) mommy still remembered the phrased and told me the phrase "hihihi (being a ghost scare mongering others with both eyes closed with eye pad)" and the moment wewe can see the world, she saw ayah bald his hair and wewe like "ayah tutak ayah tutak (ayah botak ayah botak)" did you'll wondering what wewe applying to her eyes, hair and face? ubat panau salap yang pedih tu. Hahaha. According to mommy, my eyes already infect and it cannot resist any kind of this piece or tons of shzzzzz. Hehe

So, wewe big girls now. I wanna thanks to all my uncles that being there for me and support your sister (mommy). Okay wewe sayang mata wewe. Taknak buta so will take care of this eyes. And will stop menyusahkan others. Sorry but thanks :)

a little awkward, perhaps

Last night when I met you, you weren't that excited like last 2 week ago. Why you're acting so differently? Last time I met you, i only saw you and your ego. Is that real you? This time around I couldn't express my self because I felt too awkward. Tell me I'm just mistaken. I saw you so happy to see me. I also don't know what is exactly happening around. I thought it was just a dream because I'm speechless to talk about how am I supposed to face this situation. Need the key to get out from this sober. But I can't find it.

choose choice chosen chose

Everybody had a choice.
Everybody deserve a second choice.
Everybody had a right to choose.
Everybody are choosy.
Everybody are chosen one.

He,
He made a choice.
He choose to leave.
He left without saying goodbye.

She,
She gives him choices.
She doesn't had a choice.
She insist to stay even if it's hurt.

You,
You always had two or more choices,
Whether to leave or to stay.
You choose your happines.

I,
I need to choose,
For saying good luck nor good bye.
Good luck!
And good bye.